


Things Fall Apart

by ArmstrongTechnique



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Gen, Roy-centric, more tags will be added, tw: descriptions of death and war
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22868875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArmstrongTechnique/pseuds/ArmstrongTechnique
Summary: Roy has lived a life full of regrets.  But Maes' death may be the one that breaks the camel's back.
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Things Fall Apart

After Maes’ death, Roy could feel himself falling apart. His first real friend, who had been there and supported him through everything, was gone. It wasn’t fair. Maes had so much to live for: a wife, a kid, his friends, his career. Maes had always been so full of life. He was always smiling, always seeing the happier side of things. He had so much love to give, made so many people’s lives better.

But he was gone. And Roy was left standing.

Roy, who had used his teacher’s life’s work and twisted it, used it for evil. Master Berthold had been so afraid of his work being misused that he kept it secret, had hidden it from the world. He had hated the military with a passion. And what had Roy done? He had joined the military and made Master Berthold’s worst fear come true. He had used flame alchemy to slaughter innocent people.

Ishval was Roy’s worst sin, the thought of which darkened every day. Many nights he stayed awake, gasping for breath as he cried over all the lives he had taken. 

The Hero of Ishval, they called him, what a joke. The survivors of Ishval had a different name for him, he had learned after the war. Karshul. When an angry Ishvalan had spit the name at Roy as he passed, Roy hadn’t known what it meant. He had to seek out a translator. 

It didn’t have an exact translation, Roy had learned. The best it could be approximated was, hand of evil. The name was perfect, in a way. Roy was nothing but a tool of the government, of the Fuhrer, and in the Fuhrer’s name he had performed acts of evil like he was born to do it. It was like the Ishvalans could see directly into his soul, see what made the core of his being. Evil. Monster. Tool.

There had been moments, during the war, when Roy had been consumed by hate and fear. After he had arrived at the battle field, after the first time he had killed, he had walked through the aftermath and seen the carnage. When returned to the camp, he had hidden in his bunk and cried his eyes out, fist stuffed in his mouth to muffle the sobs as he shook apart.

It had been Maes who had found him, who embraced him, held him as he cried. It had been Maes who cried with him. Together they had found strength in one another, and had found a way to keep standing another day.

When Roy encountered the first dead child he was responsible for, he had felt numb. That night he took his service weapon, turned off the safety, and then just held it. He hadn’t been able to do the deed, just sat there, contemplating his choices. 

Maes had found him, taken the gun from his unresisting hand. Maes had challenged him. If you can’t stand what is happening now, do something to change it. Killing yourself won’t absolve you of your sins, nor will it help other people, Maes had said.  
Roy hadn’t slept that night. He spent hours thinking about what Maes had said. And when the sun rose in the morning, Roy had a new purpose. Killing himself wouldn’t stop the war. But if he lived, he could work as hard as he could to get to a position where he could make changes. Roy promised himself that, even if he couldn’t get rid of the blood on his hands, he would work as hard as he could to do good, and help instead of hurt. That had to be enough.

Then he had run into Riza, had seen how war had changed her, made her hurt the way he hurt. He had listened to her talk, giving her reasons for joining. She had named him as a reason, and he had felt guilt and shame and hate. Riza was a good person, she didn’t deserve this hell.

And he had taken a look at the other soldiers he had become close to. Fuery, Breda, Havoc, Falman, and seen their suffering. He had looked at Maes and seen the weight of the war slowly pressing down on him, how his smiles became fewer and farther between.

So Roy formed a new goal. He still wanted to make things better for everyone, but he also wanted to protect those he cared about. The power of one man doesn't amount to much, he had told Maes. And it was true, Roy was an insignificant speck in the grand scheme of things But, however little strength I'm capable of, I'll do everything humanly possible to protect the people I love, and in turn they will protect the ones they love. It seems like the least we tiny humans can do for each other. It was a more manageable goal. He could try and make things better, and to do that, he just needed to protect his loved ones.

And Roy had tried, tried as hard as he could. He had kept them alive through the war. He wormed his way up the ranks, so he was in a better position to protect his men. He had cultivated a buffoonish, womanizing personality, so that those who had felt threatened by his rise in power wrote him off, and left him and his team alone.

And he had found new people to love. Maes’ wife and daughter. He pretended otherwise, but they were a pure light in his life. They made Maes so incredibly happy, made Roy so happy. 

And he had found the Elric brothers. Edward, who was brash and rude, and never listened to what Roy told him. Edward, who devoted his life to helping his brother, fixing his mistakes. Alphonse, who was impossibly sweet and kind. Alphonse, who kept on hoping and living despite being trapped in terrible circumstances.

Roy had tried as hard as he could to protect these people. It was the least he could do.

But Maes Hughes was dead. And Roy was falling to pieces.


End file.
